Joyfully Her Podcast

Finding Balance in Motherhood (Balance Series)

• Nicole Gabrielle • Season 1 • Episode 2

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Are you drowning in motherhood overwhelm while secretly wondering if you're the only one who sometimes hates how hard it is? You're not alone. 

This first installment of our Balance Series confronts the rarely-discussed reality that many Christian mothers feel burdened, exhausted, and disconnected from joy—despite deeply loving their children. Nicole Gabrielle, a Christian psychotherapist, compassionately addresses raw comments from mothers who struggle with society's impossible expectations and their own perfectionism.

Drawing wisdom from the often misunderstood Proverbs 31 woman, Nicole reveals three practical balance strategies that transform motherhood from burden to blessing. First, stop trying to do everything yourself—the Proverbs 31 woman had maidservants! Learn how modern conveniences like grocery delivery and meal services can be your "maidservants." Second, intentionally cultivate community with other mothers who understand your journey and can provide genuine support during difficult seasons. Finally, release the crushing pressure of perfectionism by partnering with the Holy Spirit, remembering that "His strength is made perfect in our weakness."

This episode reframes motherhood as a sacred refining process where our children become the "sandpaper" God uses to shape us into who He's called us to be. Rather than fighting against the challenges, we're invited to surrender control and find freedom in partnership with God.

Ready to experience motherhood differently? Share your own balance struggles and successes in the comments, and join us next week as we continue exploring practical balance strategies from Scripture that you can implement immediately.

Need to create more balance as a mom? Visit us at www.joyfullyher.com and take our balanced quiz and create a custom plan just for you!

Speaker 1:

Hi, I'm Nicole Gabrielle and I am a Christian psychotherapist and I work with women on a daily basis to really help them create more balance in their life, to help them with the overwhelm, and I really try to sit and be with them and create strategies to really help them along the way. And as a Christian therapist, I think it's so important for us to include the Word of God on our journey to really help us find those key solutions that could help us along the way. Welcome to our Balance series, where we are talking about how to balance as moms and wives. It's going to be a three-part series where we're going to dive deep into what it is we need to do to really enjoy the process of motherhood, the journey of motherhood, and really embrace who we are, not just as moms, as wives, but who we are as daughters in Christ.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to go into a couple of comments. Let's dive in now. She says I love being a mom, but I hate how hard being a mom is. She says I hate how hateful people are towards moms. I hate I get all the slack and pressure in society, and that comment does resonate with some of the moms that I work with in therapy practice. They love, you know love welcoming their beautiful baby girl or boy, but then over time they really see how hard it is, how challenging it is just taking care of another human being. I talked about that in a former episode where I shared my testimony, my story about being a first-time mom and the challenges that come with that, and this particular mom says she really hates the pressure that's in society on moms. Pretty much you kind of hear about having that cape on and the burdens that come with that and the pressure that we put on ourselves. Also often I have moms that come into my office all the time and we really go through it. We do a whole self-care assessment. We'll talk about that a little bit more down the line, but we really explore what are the areas that you feel like you're deprived in right now and why that is, and so or if you are actually putting pressure on yourself, unnecessary pressure and we're gonna talk about that and go deeper in that, because I do feel like moms really put a lot of pressure on themselves and it could come from them, it could come from their community, society, and so that is what one of the moms were expressing in this comment and I can totally see that. I can totally get that.

Speaker 1:

Second comment I have here is being a mom is hard. It totally changes your life in so many ways it's the most difficult job. There's no school to teach you, which is so true. There's no manual.

Speaker 1:

But one of the things that this mom says and that kind of breaks my heart is that she says I hate being a mom. A lot of women, she says, feel this way, but they don't express it Right and I highly believe that they don't express it, because one for sure. If you say something like that out loud, can you imagine the stigma that can come from that. But she's saying that moms kind of feel this internally and I've never had a mom say that to me directly, but I could feel the energy that they bring into my office of how exhausted and how burdened they feel, and so that's the thing that, joyfully Her. That is our purpose for us to have those conversations, for it to come out to say this is how I'm feeling. Right, we're in a judgment-free zone. Yes, this mama says that, but I'm not judging her because that is her experience.

Speaker 1:

My goal is to help moms just like you and her. How do we transition into feeling like I hate what I do in this role and how can I be in a place where I love what I do and there's joy in this, even in the challenges? But I embrace this because this is what God has called me to, and that is one of the things we're going to talk about today. That is part of the Balance Series that we are launching with Joyfully Hire, to really set you up in a way to where we can make that transition, because I know that that is not the life that you want to live. I'm sure you don't want to live in a space every day where you hate doing what you are called to do, and so that's what we're going to go a little bit more deeper, let's go ahead and explore some other comments from moms, and here we have another mother that has shared where she is in her motherhood journey, and she says I feel so mentally overwhelmed sometimes. Recently I broke down telling my husband that I've been mentally tired, and she may have been mentally tired for a long time and anytime it comes to a breakdown. Yeah, that's been there, and so that's another thing that we explore and talk about. Do we need to get to a place of breakdown before we get the support that we need, and so that these are the types of comments and conversations that I do have with moms very, very often, and that is why I am here.

Speaker 1:

If any of this resonates with you, feel free to leave a comment. I want to hear about your experience. I want to hear about your motherhood journey now. Maybe it's going really well for you, and I would love for you to share with other moms how that is, even when you face challenges. I'm all about that, all about it. But, yes, please drop a comment below, because I want to hear from you. I want us to open up this conversation and help each other and share more. We're creating community here at Joyfully Her. That's what this is about. This is not all about me. This is not all about Nicole, absolutely not. This is a space that I am creating for moms worldwide, for us worldwide to be real, to be raw, but also to have healing conversations that are so essential in our life.

Speaker 1:

Now, here's the thing we're going to go into the word of God, because I really don't believe that God created us to be moms and wives to really dread it every single day. I do not believe that. I do believe that God has given us joy and peace and love and he has given those beautiful fruits of the spirit as we're operating in the spirit, that we can operate in that and really enjoy what he has given us to do, even in the challenging times of it right Motherhood. If you go back to my first episode, we talked about how it is a refining period. You know, it is kind of like that your children are almost like that sandpaper, I've heard it said, and that it's that roughness and the challenges of that sandpaper that he uses to smooth us, to make us holy. And so go back to that first episode because I really kind of dig a little bit more deeper with that and share my experience. But getting back to this, I don't believe that God would just want us to just go into the mundane and just continue in a swing of things and really dread and what he has called us to do. So we're going to look at his word, especially in the book of Proverbs, proverbs 31.

Speaker 1:

A lot of us know that scripture about the Proverbs 31 woman. I mean she seemed like she was everything to everyone. I know sometimes I have looked at that scripture and it's like man, this lady was perfect and in. Sometimes that can definitely be taken out of context, but the Proverbs 31 woman it seemed like what she did was really outstanding. Of course and we have to remember it in context of it being her lifetime Right. That's not just a one time thing, of it being her lifetime right. That's not just a one-time thing. We're going to talk about that, too, in our next episode of balance and what that looked like for her from what we can see from the word of God. But the Proverbs 31 woman is also an example for us in a sense. Not that we need to be perfect or do all of the things that she did. I don't want to put that pressure but I really want to explore this from a lens of how she may have created balance in her life right.

Speaker 1:

There are some things that I see that stands out to me in those passages. One of the passages that it talks about that it says her maidservants Maidservants and I know nowadays we'll say, well, you might could say, nicole, what maidservant I don't have money to, and I don't either to have money to hire a maid to come in my home. But how can we look at that from a different lens. And this kind of takes us to my number one. I've said three ways. I'm going to talk about three ways we can create balance.

Speaker 1:

But number one in creating balance is, for me, it's stopping doing it all myself, no longer doing it all myself, and really, really enlisting quote unquote those maidservants to really help me along the way. That is what I can see, and we got to look at this from a modern lens. Of course, not necessarily. I know there's help that we can hire and all of those things, but what does that look like for us, that we need that extra support? So for me, when I was a first time mom, in the beginning I was doing it myself a lot, but I quickly learned that that would quickly tire me out, burn me out, and I was no good to nobody if I continued on that path. And so that is why I'm saying that's my one thing that I do to create balance. I hire maid servants.

Speaker 1:

Now, what are those maid servants? Now I'm saying things like Instacart. I'm saying things like HelloFresh meal delivery service. I'm saying things like enlisting help, maybe from another mom to help with certain things. There are quote unquote maid servants in this modern day age that we can enlist the help to really help us balance. So we are not doing it all so like for Instacart. That's huge for me. You know, I can order my groceries online and I can go to the pickup line and pick them up and I don't have to take my kids out the car. I can focus on that. That shaves a lot of time off of my day. You know. I don't have to really focus on that. I can do other things, spend my time elsewhere. Okay, so that is so important for me.

Speaker 1:

So I want you to take a sheet of paper and I want you to think about what are the maid servants quote unquote that you can hire in your life. What would that look like? Does that mean we're like? We're saying, do we have to do a pickup, delivery or delivery or pickup service? Do we have to maybe enlist another mom friend and to maybe switch babysitting every so often so you're not feeling worn out? So you and your partner are getting time out, but also they them and their partner are getting time out and you kind of doing a swap, a babysitting swap. What does it look like for you? So write out those things. Maybe think about two to three quote unquote maid servants. Right, because we also know the Proverbs. 31 woman had that she could not do. It does not sound like she was able to do all that she was able to do without help and support. So for us I want you to think about why do I feel like I have to do all of the things myself and really not get brunked out over time? So write out maybe two to three maidservants that you feel like could be helpful for you in this season.

Speaker 1:

The second thing that I do to help me create balance is ensuring that I am plugged into community. I think that is something early on that I learned. That is so important and I think sometimes we forget that in the hustle and bustle of being a mom, being a wife and all the things that you have to do, that we kind of forget sometimes to really sow into those friendships. And really for me are those mom friendships that are with other moms that are there where I am right, we have kids the same age or similar ages, but they're moms that really understand the struggle and the battle and that can help encourage and vice versa. I really do think not isolated in yourself and really getting plugged into community. It's so essential for you to create balance so you're not just doing all the things at home by yourself and everything, but you're also as a mom. You're still a human being, you're still a woman that likes to have fun, that enjoys conversation, that enjoys plugging in with other women, and so why not do that in a mommy group? I used to join groups like meetup Facebook groups. I'm also a part of a mom group that me and another mom really kind of started along and it's actually growing. I think those types of things are so important and for you to create that balance. I remember years ago I joined a mom's group and I had a miscarriage and we'll talk about that in a later episode. But that mom, that one mom, was there for me. I mean, she dropped everything and came to my house after she learned that I no longer heard a heartbeat. That was life changing for me to know that there was someone out there outside of my family but who really cared.

Speaker 1:

Have that, what are maybe two to three moms that come to mind? How can you sow into those relationships? What can you do to reach out? What can you do to encourage that mom and give of yourself to that mom, because sometimes we forget that too. It's like, well, we want that, we deserve that, but what are we giving out? The Bible says, to show yourself friendly right To gain friends. So what does that look like? Do you need to put yourself out there more, even if it is uncomfortable? But what is on the other side of being uncomfortable? There's something there. What if there's a very valuable friendship that comes from that and that you guys raise your children up together? So many good things that can come out of that. So I want you to think about that. We'll talk more about mom friendships in a later episode, because I know that does come up and sometimes it's a little challenging, especially when we're talking about adult friendships. Okay, so I know that's challenging, but how can you nurture those types of relationships? So that is the second thing that I do to create balance in my life.

Speaker 1:

Lastly, I stopped putting pressure on myself. That's the third thing. I stopped putting pressure on myself to be this perfect mom, to do all the things that I see on Instagram and everything else. I stopped putting pressure on myself. I think that is so important and I talk with my moms about that. How can you stop pressuring yourself?

Speaker 1:

I know when I was a first time mom, I was doing the most. I was going to the library, I was trying to find books Like how can I teach my baby to read, how can I teach my baby X, y, z? And I was just doing so much, let alone trying to feed her, do all the everything that I can. But I was putting a lot of extra pressure that was so unnecessary. And I think the Holy Spirit convicted me on that. His word says that his strength is made perfect in our weakness. And to know that, yes, I do have a lot of weak areas as a mother, as a wife, I do have those weak areas, and so that's where I need the Holy Spirit. That's the thing.

Speaker 1:

Part of this third part that I'm talking about is that leaning into the Holy Spirit, not putting pressure on myself, but leaning into him to say, lord, I can't do this alone, I can't carry this burden by myself, I cannot do this, I'm not equipped for this. Your strength is made perfect in my weakness, right? So crying out to the Lord, lord, he's giving your children different personalities. I know I have one of my children has a very headstrong personality that sometimes I don't understand, and I said I've just praying today. I said, lord, you give me the information, the knowledge and wisdom of how to handle her, just how to navigate that, and he will. He will show you how to parent, he will give you ideas, he will give you what to speak to your child, and so we have to really really tap into that. And that's a way that we create balance, because we're not just doing it ourselves and everything is up here, but we are creating an equilibrium to where it's like we are partnering with God and we are getting in to the Holy spirit to say, okay, god, it's me and you. That's a lot of times.

Speaker 1:

Every day I wake up. Thank you, lord, for this morning. It's me and you lead me and guide me. And what you would have me to do in this season leave me and guide me and what you would have for me to speak over my children and to someone else, how you want me to encourage, use me as an instrument of righteousness, and God would totally do that. He will, he will and he knows, he knows the burdens that you carry, he really does, and so why not really come to him in every moment, and I have to say that even when my children or someone's having a tantrum, it's like you know what, lord? Okay, let me put this in your hands. Lord, lead me in how to handle this so I don't become so overwhelmed and just really so burdened by this.

Speaker 1:

So that's one of the things that we are talking about with Joyfully Her. I am so thankful that you're here. I want you to, as I said earlier, drop me a comment. Let me know what, if this even resonated with you. Let me know how you are managing, how you are balancing, as, like I said, we're in the balancing series. We've got to really work on these things and so we can just live the life that God has put before us. Next week, I will be sharing the one thing that you can implement immediately to create balance, and that is going to be coming from our Proverbs 31 scripture. So please tune in next week. I look forward to sharing with you. Have a blessed day. Thank you for joining Joyfully Her.