Joyfully Her Motherhood Podcast

You Don't Have to Do It All: Creating Systems That Align With Your Values

• Nicole Gabrielle

Share episode

Feeling overwhelmed by the invisible workload of motherhood? You're not alone. Modern mothers complete an average of 15 hours of unpaid, unnoticed labor every week, and society often pushes us to pack in even more. But what if the solution isn't adding tasks but creating systems that truly support who you are?

In this transformative episode, Christian therapist Nicole Gabrielle reveals science-backed approaches to establishing balance through effective systems. Discover how habit stacking can help new routines stick with 80% less effort and why time blocking might be the game-changer your daily schedule needs. The research is clear: our brains crave routine, and when we honor that need while aligning our activities with our deepest values, everything changes.

Beyond practical strategies, Nicole addresses the spiritual component of balance, challenging listeners to examine whether they're following societal pressures or God's vision of success. She shares powerful insights about self-compassion, explaining how extending grace to yourself actually reduces stress hormones and improves your overall wellbeing. The myth of perfect balance gets dismantled as Nicole offers a refreshing perspective on motherhood as a mindful juggling act rather than an impossible standard of perfection.

Whether you're drowning in overwhelm or simply seeking more intentionality in your days, this episode provides both the practical tools and the spiritual encouragement to create systems that honor your season of life. Ready to transform your approach to motherhood? Listen now, and don't forget to subscribe for our upcoming episode on the fascinating physiological changes of "mom brain" and how they impact your daily life.

Send us a text

Speaker 1:

you have a unique god-given purpose as a wife and a mother, and your influence is vital to shaping the next generation. Yet modern society has distorted the true beauty and power of a woman who serves in these roles. From anxiety to depression, being a mother and a wife seems harder than ever before. Welcome to the Joyfully Her podcast. Hi, I'm Nicole Gabrielle, a Christian therapist, and I've helped many women like you build healthier marriages, heal emotionally and, most of all, grow closer to our Creator, god. Here we blend biblical encouragement, practical wisdom and mental health insights to empower you to thrive and cultivate a lifelong well-being. Subscribe now and join us as we address what modern society overlooks about motherhood and beyond, so you can live out your God-given calling as a wife and mother with confidence and joy. Let's dive in. The average mom completes 15 hours each week of invisible, unpaid labor every single week, and actually some moms feel like they should pack on more to be more productive, but it turns out this is very counterintuitive. I'm going to share why we're going to go on our balance series with Joyfully Her stick with me. So let's talk about what really works for busy moms. I'm going to share with you a way that you can create the balance in your life that you really need to help you thrive and who you were created to be. We are talking about systems today. Yes, we're talking about establishing systems to really help you create balance in motherhood and beyond. Hi, I'm Nicole Gabrielle and I am a licensed Christian therapist, here to walk alongside you, to support you on your motherhood journey, and even as a wife. I am a mom of three and also a wife for 10 years, and I have been able to help women in my therapy practice to really help them thrive in their lives, to really help them build in their relationships. And let's get into the actual purpose of a system, right. What is a system? What does that mean? So, really, it is about these pieces coming together, so putting together pieces in your life, operations in your life that helps you create your daily rhythms. In a nutshell, that's what systems are. It's something to really help you to be more productive, to really time manage with the time that God has given you, and so a system is really beneficial. I'm going to share with you some science behind systems, the benefits of them and how you can start to implement this in your life to really alleviate some of the stress and the anxiety that comes with imbalance. We've been talking about balance a lot, and sometimes with the imbalance there comes anxiety, depression, even symptoms of just overwhelm, and that is not productive. It's actually counterproductive, and so we want to move in a different direction. So I'm going to share with you a couple facts about systems and how it can create balance in your life. So let's get into this.

Speaker 1:

So research shows that habit stacking. So say you have a habit and you're trying to learn a new habit. Well, when you're trying to stack that new habit with another habit that you've already formed it, this can make routine stick with 80% less effort. And I'm all about finding easier ways and hacks in my life, especially when it comes to being productive as a mom. And so let's just say, for example, in the morning times, you have your coffee routine, you've got your breakfast routine. Well, how about you try to habit stack that routine with building in a devotional? I know for me I try to put in during my morning times, at least a five minute five to 10 minute devotional so I can really spend time with the Lord. Whether it's a prayer, whether it's an audible devotional, I love those. Whatever it may be, try to figure out. How can you build on a habit that you already have? How can you stack it?

Speaker 1:

There's research out there, as I already mentioned, that shows that can help you be more productive and, once again, it can help you create more balance. So another hack that I have for you, or tip that I have for you, is time blocking. That is a game changer. I practice this all of the time and this is where you're intentionally setting aside throughout the day of your routine or throughout the times of your routine. You're intentionally setting aside maybe 15-20 minutes where you are honing in on something very specific. There is research that also shows that this has been great in helping people stay on task and be productive, get their to do list done. I'm a big girl girly on the calendars. I got to have my calendar. I just can't do without it, but that helps me when I write in my calendar. Time blocking and Harvard business law also says that this is such a great productivity hack for a lot of people because it really helps you to stay focused, because the more you're able to stay focused on your tasks, the more you're going to be able to get it completed.

Speaker 1:

A lot of times if we are distracted just mentally in our brain. Our brains love routine. That's actually a fact. But when we get off routine, it really impacts our productivity and it really affects how we're able to get things done throughout the day. And sometimes, when that happens, we feel bad. We were like, oh, I should have got this done. How come I didn't do this? Oh, I've got a million and one things to do, but it's like hold on, let's wait a minute.

Speaker 1:

How about prioritizing? That is what I'm going to talk about next. We're going to talk about prioritizing to help you time block so that you can do this successfully as a mom and that you can create that balance that we've been talking about for the last few weeks. So we're talking about prioritizing, right? So with prioritizing, especially as a mother, it is so important to really review throughout the season that we talked about in our previous episode the season of life that you're in to help you prioritize what is very important in this moment and what maybe needs to be delegated or maybe needs to be putting on another list for a later date. But prioritizing is so helpful to get you through your day. So this means it's not about doing more, it is about what deserves your energy in the first place. You know what the attention that you are given, the tasks that you're doing daily, right, of course, as a mom, I talked about my first in the first episode. As a first time mom, my priority was my daughter at the time and really and my husband and my family and really juggling that and really trying to learn my groove, my routine and that. That took a little time and, to be honest, even 10 years later, I've got to switch that up every so often. So, but prioritization is so important to help you get everything done that you need to get done.

Speaker 1:

But I want you to think about prioritizing in a way, of your values, especially in the season that you're in. So what are the values that you have? For some people, family, friendships, community, their faith those are some of their values that are very high on their list, and so the things that they're deciding to do has to align with those values. So I want you to ask yourself this question is what I'm doing? Does it align with my values, especially even as women of faith? Does it align with your faith? We talked about that in a previous episode, but just to go farther in that if it doesn't align with your value or with your faith or whatever your value is that you're prioritizing in this season, why is that? What is the barrier that is getting in the way of you being able to carry out that value? There are studies that show that in a particular therapy that we use, called acceptance and commitment therapy, we talk about values and we review that with clients and we talk about if you are moving away from your values. Sometimes for a lot of people that actually gives them, unfortunately, emotional distress and so they become emotionally distressed and so with that it's so important to really see if I'm sit down and think, well, if I'm moving away from my values, maybe there's something there that's pulling me away from my values. Maybe I could examine that to see what is pulling me away from this. How can I remove those barriers, or maybe I need to twitch some things up. That is totally fine. It just takes a re-evaluation up. That is totally fine. It just takes a re-evaluation, in a nutshell, being perfectly balanced.

Speaker 1:

It's almost a myth, I know in our society that's pushed that you have to do all of the things to be the boss chick, to be the super mom, all of those things that come into play. But can we ask ourselves, do we really have to do that? Do we really have to be like that? And why is it that we have to do all of those things? Because, like I talked about before, we are mostly juggling, and when you're juggling things in life, everything is not going to get your attention. The balls will drop at one point. Everything is not going to be done in excellence, as we would like it to be, because it's just impossible for us to give our attention to everything that is needed at the level that is needed.

Speaker 1:

And so I think this is a very important conversation, because I know we talk about this as women. There's a lot of stigma, a lot of pressure on women to really operate in the capacity as men, in a sense, of what we are accomplishing, and I think women should be celebrating and what they're doing amazing work. But there's also the flip side of that. There's also pressures, a lot of pressure that comes from society and and ourselves, and so sitting down to reevaluate that, because if it takes us off balance and it causes us a lot of emotional distress, then that's really getting in the way of our quality of life, not to say that we won't have any sufferings. Now that's a whole nother conversation, but I'm just saying in the sense of what is in our control. And so think about that, think about your values, maybe write that.

Speaker 1:

I'm always big on writing out a list of visualizing what we're talking about. So if you need to write out, what are my values in this season, what do I really want to hone in on? What do I really want to accomplish in this season, in a sense, of course, with the Lord's guidance? But where is it that I feel that God is leading me in this season and how does it align with my values? Is it getting in the way, if some of the things that I'm doing getting in the way of me carrying this out? If so, why is it? Do I need to delegate? That's another big word. I love to use that word with my mom's delegation. Examine your thoughts about what you feel like delegation is. What is that for you? I know for me it took me a while to really wrap my mind around that and really embrace it. But think about that. What are your fears behind delegation? Are there fears there and if so, why is the fear there? We're going to talk about that more in the future. But I just want to get your wheels turning and really think about exactly what we're doing in the seasons that we're in, so that we can create a better balance or juggling act for us to enjoy our life.

Speaker 1:

In addition to your system, I want you to think about the word self-compassion yes, self-compassion. There is actually research that shows that the more that we really tune into self-compassion, it can reduce our cortisol levels, which is awesome. That's very beneficial health-wise, but it also just self-soothes our brain. Our brain really likes that. I'm sure you heard of the fight or flight systems in our bodies, and so it really helps to reduce in our nervous system, stress and elevated levels of cortisol. And so, if you are practicing self compassion, when you're thinking about what you want your system to look like, what you're already doing, what might can be improved, think about this in a way that you are having grace with yourself. I talk to my clients sometimes about what is your language of grace to yourself, and we can my clients sometimes about what is your language of grace to yourself, and we can get that from the word of God, of course, where we can see that the Lord has been so gentle with us and the language that is used and how he speaks of salvation and his people, and so that's one thing to think about for yourself. How can you practice that self compassion and have some level of grace with yourself and doing so scientifically you are really helping your brain and to really soothe itself, to really lower your levels of stress so that you can do the things that you need to do with joy, peace and love. So I want to challenge you on this too.

Speaker 1:

What if success is not about meeting every expectation but challenging the expectations that deserve your attention? I like that. It's kind of like whoa, what am I really giving my attention to Do? I need to put all of this energy into what I'm doing Re-evaluation once again, but also with self-compassion. But just thinking about that. Does every expectation deserve your attention?

Speaker 1:

The other thought I have for you, my dear sister, is that what if the bravest and most courageous thing that you can do is to really challenge the societal norms and really follow God's formula, in a sense, for success and what he deems as successful? And think about that, of course, as you're reading scripture, and pray about that, because I know a lot of times it was social media and everything that's happening around us. It could be very influential. And the choices that we make, and so that is something that I do. I have to examine with myself. I have to do a heart check with myself. Am I following the world's societal norms or am I following God's version of what he says? Success is right? So that's just a thought and no condemnation at all, but it's just a thought. I do this with myself as well, so just something to think about. Sometimes we don't talk about this.

Speaker 1:

Maybe think about your areas of weakness. There is a scripture that talks about where God talks about. When I am weak, he is strong. When I am weak, which a lot of times I am, I do have a lot of flaws, but God says I can operate in that, I can really do amazing work in that space, and so when you're thinking about these systems maybe this is where we're practicing the self-compassion to understand that, yes, there are imperfections I can embrace that, to know that. But I also know my Lord, my God, is greater and he is able to carry me through and he is much stronger than I am, and I have access to him now through Jesus Christ, and challenge you to think about that one system that you would like to start implementing in your life.

Speaker 1:

Whether it's the time blocking, whether it's the habit stacking, whether it's a new routine that you may have heard about, I want you to think about maybe taking a baby step and doing a piece of that system and putting that into your routine, writing that out, maybe setting a date when you want to start that, but just taking a one action step to help you, because this is going to be your blueprint to really help you create the balance that you so desperately deserve as a mother and a wife and all of the things that you're doing as a work and it's so important to really enjoy the fruits of your labor, I would imagine. But when we're constantly on the go and when there's that imbalance and we feel constantly emotionally overwhelmed, that's where it becomes a bit of a problem and also that does affect your health. In future episodes we are going to have some other professionals to really talk about our bodies and biology and how our brain is affected by some of the stress levels that we encounter. We're going to talk about mental health, fight or flight. All of those things are coming to play into how we live out our life. So I really want you to think about this, pray about this.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for joining Joyfully Her. We have an amazing upcoming episode. We are actually going to be talking about mom brain. I am so excited about this because we are talking about the physiological changes that happens in our brains when we become a mother. I think it's so fascinating, but this also connects with our mental health, so I'm going to be sharing a lot more about that on our next podcast. Come and join me share this with another mom who needs encouragement to create more balance. I look forward to talking with you soon. Thank you for joining joyfully her.